Roadrunner vs. The Starship Enterprise

We have just intercepted a deep-space transmission! It seems that the Enterprise has run into a bit of trouble while exploring a newly discovered planet, ACME-1. Here is the Captain's Log:

Captain's Log, Stardate 54188.3: Starfleet Command has directed the Enterprise to do a preliminary exploration of the newly discovered planet, ACME-1 --- 4th planet in the Warner System. Scanners report the atmosphere to be breathable, but Spock is receiving confusing readings with regard to lifeforms. He reports that one seeming lifeform winks out of range faster than a photon and another is always seeming to try to catch up with it. I am beaming down with a landing party composed of all our chief officers except Engineer Scot, who will remain here to be in charge. Personal Note: Remind Dr. McCoy that the diet Scotty is on just isn't working. He is now too large for the transporter circuits...

Supplement: Ensign Nasife has received a minor head injury, apparently while exploring under a high rock shelf. He reports only hearing a loud sound and jumping before being struck. After examination by Dr. McCoy, he has been judged capable of continuing duty.

Supplement: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet. While it does not itself seem menacing, an unfortunate occurance took place when it was present. Upon approaching us at a high rate of speed, on my orders Lt. Sulu withdrew his phaser. The creature made an exact right-hand turn defying Newton's Laws of Motion and disappeared leaving only a puff of smoke. Quite rattled by this rapid approach, Sulu fired, hitting Ensign Chekov. Oddly enough, although Sulu's weapon was set to kill, Chekov was only covered with a smoking black powder similar to soot. Mr. Chekov has been sent back to the ship for examination and quarantine.

Stardate 54188.8, Mr. Spock reporting: Tricorder readings indicate that the creature we encountered earlier is constantly moving at great speeds over the surface of the planet. We have encountered the creature once again. In an attempt to slow the creature for study, I attempted to fire on it. The creature, however, appeared to outrun the Phaser beam! Fascinating. It seems the Laws of Physics are not strictly obeyed on Planet ACME-1. Regretfully, the Phaser beam struck an outcropping of rock above the Captain's head, causing it to break off and fall. Although it appears that several tons of rock fell squarely on the Captain, he was driven straight into the ground and apparently not seriously injured, though stunned. The Captain has been beamed up to Sickbay, leaving me in command of the research party.

Captain's Log, Stardate 54189.4: The creature is still at large on the planet surface. While Mr. Spock continues to lead a research party I am currently at work with Scotty on an ACME Pressure Cooker in Engineering Deck C, for when the creature is finally apprehended.

Captain's Log, stardate 54189.7. The strange occurences that have dogged the landing party since our arrival at this planet have led me to believe that the creature is in some way directly responsible for them. Mr. Chekov and I have both been declared fit for return to duty, though Dr. McCoy has entered in his medical log that he feels we should be kept under observation. Mr. Spock has constructed a device which he suspects should be able to counteract the creature's incredible speed as follows: We have placed a dish of birdseed out in the open, with several signs pointing to it. The dish is atop a cleverly concealed trap door, which will open when any weight falls on it. The creature will then travel a slide, eventually being deposited in a cage constructed of sheets of transparent aluminum. We will then be free to analyze it at our leisure. Meanwhile, I have forbidden all beaming down to the surface of the planet except on my or Mr. Spock's direct order.

Captain's Log, supplemental. The plan failed. The creature was indeed lured by the birdseed, as expected; it apparently CAN read English. It sped to the dish, consumed the bait, and sped off without setting off the trap. Mr. Spock is as puzzled as I, and has begun tests to discover the flaw in the design. I have sent out three search parties to see if we can box the creature in, one headed by Mr. Sulu, one by Mr. Chekov, and one by Sociologist Realdine.

Captain's Log, stardate 54190.4. Security Specialist Bobo has been temporarily incapacitated. In pursuing the creature, he and his men somehow managed to cross the place where Mr. Spock's trap was set just as he completed the corrections to it. The trap was sprung, and all four of my men were suspended for a moment in mid-air, puzzled, gravity seemingly turned off, just before they fell into the cage we constructed. We are now trying to release them with phasers, as the lock was inadvertently smashed by the impact from Bobo's foot as he fell. I consider this a major setback. Mr. Spock considers it "fascinating."

Captain's Log, stardate 54191.6. In an all-out attempt to stop the creature once and for all, I have had a phaser rifle beamed down from the Enterprise. The creature has behaved in an extremely cunning manner, yet I am unsure whether this is a sign of actual intelligence. Lt. Uhura has been unsuccessful in her attempts to raise Starfleet Command. Meanwhile, Mr. Scott informs me that our dilithium crystals are deteriorating at an alarming rate. He has juryrigged a system that will prevent the decay for a time, but it is imperative that we find new crystals soon.

Captain's Log, supplemental. Mr. Sulu reports high energy tricorder readings from an area of the planet in which the creature has not yet been sighted. He has taken a small party, including Mr. Spock, to the high-elevation spot from which the readings emanate. I have begun to analyze the creature's movements. It seems to travel consistently over a set path. Perhaps we can corner it in a tunnel it seems to pass through frequently.

Captain's Log, stardate 54192.0. Mr. Sulu has located a cache of ACME dilithium crystals atop a high cliff, still in thier original crates. Regretfully, while collecting them, the edge of the cliff broke off, and he and Mr. Spock plummetted several hundred feet to the ground below. Strangely enough, they passed the hunk of cliff on the way down, again seemingly breaking our recognized Laws of Physics. Upon landing, they both drove straight into the ground leaving human-body shaped holes with cracked edges only to be smashed by the falling cliff hunks. Just before the tons of rock struck them, I thought I saw Spock raise a small umbrella! The heat must be getting to me... A rescue excavation has commenced, and they should be found shortly.

Captain's Log, supplemental. Unbelievably, Spock and Sulu walked unscathed from the huge pile of rubble! Spock keeps mumbling, "Fascinating. Very Interesting."

Captain's Log, stardate 54193.2. Mr. Spock has beamed up to the ship with the ACME Dilithium crystals to assist Mr. Scott in their installation, as he forsees compatability problems. Back on the planet's surface, Mr. Chekov led seven men into the tunnel in an attempt to capture the creature in transit. A loud "BEEP, BEEP" was heard and Chekov aimed the phaser rifle and commanded his men to spread out. I wish to state for the record that I would have acted similarly and that Ensign Chekov should in no way be held responsible for the unfortunate circumstances arising from the unexpected appearance of an old Earth-style freight train. Sulu was last seen pinned flat against the cow-catcher and his 7 men were flattened on the tracks, but again not seriously harmed.

Captain's Log, stardate 54194.1. Dr. McCoy has beamed down with a hypo containing a mixture of kyranide, tri-ox compound, Scalosian concentrate, a theragram derivative, and some other items he found in unmarked containers in Sickbay. By injecting a small amount into each member of the landing party, I hope to be able to deal with the creature on its own high speed terms.

Captain's Log, supplemental. The latest experiment to deal with the strange creature has failed. As Dr. McCoy was injecting a measured dose of the compound into his own arm, the creature abruptly appeared behind him and uttered a loud "BEEP, BEEP"! Dr. McCoy, understandably flustered, accidentally pressured in the entire contents of the hypo into his arm. McCoy disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a trail of flaming ground for as far as the eye could see. A full security team is in pursuit of him, waiting for the effects of the drug to wear off.

Captain's Log, stardate 54194.7. I have ordered the landing party transported back to the ship. The new dilithium crystals have been successfully installed. On my responsibility, the ship is preparing to engage main phasers to attack the creature, which continues on its semi-erratic course across the planet's surface.

Captain's Log, supplemental. This is a warning to all other starships that may pass this way. Do not approach this planet! The illogical events occuring here are too much to overcome with simple science. If you have heard the events transcribed in the rest of this log, you will learn that this creature is nearly undefeatable. We channeled the ship's full power through the phaser banks. Theoretically, the creature should have been destroyed. However, the energies were too much strain for the ACME crystals. The full force of the phasers backlashed over the Enterprise, engulfing her completely. At first, the only noticeable effect was a complete failure of all systems save emergency gravity and life support. Then a web of black lines spread through the Enterprise's superstructure. Next, the ship began breaking up, piece by piece, falling through the atmosphere to land on the surface of the planet. When the ship had collapsed entirely, my crew was left hanging in space for a short time, and finally each of us began to fall to the planet below. We have no theories on how any of us survived, but every crewmember has reported nothing more than a sense of uneasiness, followed by the realization that they were several hundred miles up in the air, a sinking sensation, and then a gradual drop: first the feet, then the body, and finally the head, usually wearing a resigned expression of perplexion. We are attempting now to communicate with the creature in the hopes that it will prove intelligent. Perhaps we can communicate our peaceful intentions to it. Mr. Spock has constructed a crude rocket launcher from the wreckage of the ship, and with this we hope to send the recorder marker up into space, where hopefully someone will find it. Captain James T. Kirk, of the United Federation of Planets, Captain of the Starship Enterprise, recording. --

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